BOOK OF LIFE
The Books of Life and Death encompass the development of the life of Ryan Hite. It discusses Ryan’s development after the rise and fall of Kelly, which is a theme throughout the book. It shows the power that one individual can have on your life, even if you do not talk to that person anymore.
It reflects on the very worst and the very best of humanity and of life. The devastation of the loss of Kelly helped to usher in a golden age for Ryan and a new life with a new and changing identity. It talks about his successes that comes from his failures and how the cycle continues.
During this time, the covenant was re-established with the end of the story talking about the second vision and the immediate effects. Other themes include the difference between good and bad religion and of religion and spirituality. The Book of Life also talks about the fall and rise of a friendship and the immediate effects of that friendship in Ryan’s specific context.
The Book of Life focuses on a theme of having many different speeches throughout the course of the entries. Many of the entries are on speeches about life and the nature of mankind.
ENTRY 19: THE NEW AGE JANUARY 2011
It was January of 2011. I was still reeling at the loss of Kelly and the relentless pursuit of her parents against me had died down by this time. I still saw her every day at school. I still saw her at church every Sunday. I still saw her at the pool that I worked at during this time. She was still a major player and continued to influence my life at the time. I had thought that I had reached the peak at the time.
I had these feelings once before when I was still in love with Shannon and trying to get over her. It was only later that I realized that she was actually living a life of a lie at the time. She was never truly my friend and I did not have a connection as close to her as I did with Kelly. I still felt like I needed a chance with her, but I knew that it was not possible at the time.
It was at this time that another big change was starting to happen in my life. I had started to think more and I wondered if the life I was living at the time was a lie too. I was still a die-hard Catholic at the time and the actions of certain people over the last few months at the church, again because of Kelly’s parents and a few other notable people, caused me to become disillusioned with the people at the church and the group that I had come to know.
My ban on church activities was lifted in January of 2011. I had missed the first few crucial months because of the situation that arose at that time. Although the time had passed and I was looking forward to getting back into the swing of things at the church, I was put in a place that few others were put in at the time.
My return to full activity in life-teen life was one that saw me put into a group almost randomly. At the time, I felt like an outsider coming into a group of people who had since gotten to know each other very well. It was no different to me than the time when I changed high schools between my sophomore and junior years of high school. For me, that was the major start of a new age for me. Surprisingly, this was also significant in the beginning of another new age for me as well.
It was no surprise that I was looking for a new group of people to be around. I had tried to escape my problems before and that led me to Chatfield. Unfortunately, because of Shannon, Mary-Kate, and now Kelly, I was now facing a new set of situations that tarnished my reputation at the school. I looked for new avenues of groups of friends outside my traditional school-church relationships at the time.
I was working with a group of people at the pool at the time and I had started to take a liking to a young woman whom I worked with at the pool. She was a sophomore at the time and went to school at Collegiate Academy of Colorado, which also happened to be the school I once went to during my primary school years. There were also many other people that I started to take a liking to.
There was also another group of people at the school that I started to spend more time with as well. They also belonged to a church, but it was not the Catholic Church I had been going to. They belonged to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, or the Mormons. It was almost as if I went to a completely different world without changing schools or my life to a great extent. Between my increased involvement at work and the new group of friends I had made among the Mormons, it was almost as if I had started a new phase of my journey.
Starting a new era in one’s life does not always mean the complete change of a path. Sometimes, to change your life, you just need to focus on some parts of your path more than others. Because I was banned from activities in the Catholic Church for a number of months and I was still disillusioned with the reaction and fallout from the Kelly fiasco, I started to look for new avenues. Through these avenues, I met Aislynn and Alaina, who were the next two Guardian Angels and would guide my life for the next eight months until I left for college. They also belonged to groups of people who would also lead me on a path to a new life for the next eight months.
The greatest legacy of the Kelly saga was the end of an old age and the beginning of a new age. These ages are only separated because of the shift in time and energy that I was devoting to these groups that changed. I spent less time with the Catholics and more time at work, and eventually, more time with the Mormons. Needless to say, 2011 would turn out to be an interesting year for me and I learned a lot in that year. None of this would have happened if I did not have the conflict with Kelly and her family.
Many times in my life, I was faced with decisions that would alter the path of my life. There were many points where I wanted to go back and I wanted to see what would have happened if I had a chance with this girl or if I hadn’t changed this in my life or if I hadn’t read that book. There were many decisions like that in my life and the period of early 2011 was pivotal in the shift of my understanding of many things about my life and the shift of thinking of the world around me. I was exposed to and thought about many things that I never expected to face coming out of it. It was at this point that I started my move from religion to beyond religion.
Out of many bad times in my life, good things came about and I came out as a better person. This is a good example of a resurrection of the self after a death of the self. I felt like I lost something when I lost Kelly, like I have before. This loss was a particularly hard one for me, but I got a lot out of it that still influence my life to this day.
ENTRY 20: THE SINS OF THE WORLD JANUARY 2011
What is the meaning of sin in the world? I thought that sin was a result of someone not knowing of the truth and choosing to embrace the things of the world. I now understand that sin is a concept that was introduced by religions to introduce their version of morality. I always thought that I would never associate myself with people who performed sinful acts. I now associate myself with those people and I have found some of them to not be as dirty on the inside as they perceive themselves to be on the outside.
We are not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but we need to redefine the individuals who are sinful and the individuals who are not. I always had thought that the people that were clean of body were those that are clean of mind and those who are dirty of body being dirty of mind. My experiences with Kelly and Aislynn changed my perceptions of those stereotypes. I soon learned that the best of people in my life are among those that I would have despised and the worst people in my life were among those that I would have wanted to associate myself with.
These lessons were hard because it went against everything that I ever understood up until then. I tried so hard to get Shannon to like me because of the perceptions that I had about the other people that she associated herself with. It was something that I felt as my duty because I thought that I was on the good side and that her other friends was on the bad side. It turned out that I was actually on the bad side and that her other friends were on the good side in her eyes. Even though I was a part of a church, I was not a good person.
I believe that this is the same attitude that is made by many Christians today. There are a lot of good people who are Christian and there are a lot of bad people who are Christian. Just because you go to church does not mean that you are a good person. Being a good person is about attitude and I experienced all of these things in my adventures through my time with the Catholic Church and the LDS Church. I now try to be a better person as opposed to associating myself with people who claim to be good.
Religion is a part of society. Religion was not ordained by the divine from the beginning. Religion has a lot of good qualities to it like in its attempt to help people to be better and to inspire many people, including myself. So often, we talk about the bad side of religion, but that is because we are not perfect as human beings. The difference between true religions and cults is the fact that it transcends the life of the individual. Religion is a great tool for use if you need it, but there is a point where one has to go out and find their way to what you truly are and what your version of the truth is.
Religion never claims to be perfect. I thought that the people that I associated myself with were better in some way than the people who were not a part of the group. This status quo broke when I met and fell in love with Aislynn in 2011. It was rough for me because I was still having troubles with Kelly and I thought that she was at the pinnacle of friends that I had at the time. A lot of things changed and my idea of good and bad changed.
Sin is largely the same across the board. Where religion gets it wrong is the nature of sin. We are not inherently sinful, but we will inherit these sins if we do not stay true to who we really are and go down the path that is right for us. The world is full of bad influences that will take us off the path of light. We will dwell in darkness forever if we choose to embrace the things of the world.
We will not break away from this sin if we choose to go with the flow and we do not act in the way that is expected of us. I thought that I was somehow better than other people, and that is what brought me to a sinful state. In thinking that I was sinless, I was actually sinful. If we are not true to who we are and we do not follow in the way of the spirit by acting in such a way that if different than what is expected, we will dwell in sin forever. I would have done the same if it was not for the exposure that I experienced in the Catholic Church group and in myself.
I had to understand that I am not perfect. I had to understand that the people that I associated myself with and the people in the group that I was in were not perfect either. I had to understand that not all people are the same and that the groups of people that I saw in the world are not so black and white. All the people that I associated with were of some level of gray. Some people were better in my life than other people, but the people in my life were perfect for me at that time.
The way I saw the world was not as it seemed. Society is not as it seems to be either. We think of people as generally bad and society as generally moral. The opposite is true, however. The bad people that we see in life and the good people that we see in life are generally influenced by society and they are the way they are because of the environment that they are in. I found some good people in that year of my life, but they were not in the places or among the people that I expected in the past. What I thought was good was bad and what I thought was bad was good. That is just the way the world is.
ENTRY 21: THE DEPARTING GLORY FEBRUARY 2011
It is hard for a good friend to leave your life. It is really hard because they become a piece of your life over time. It is something that I experienced many times in my life and it is something that I will almost certainly experience in the future. The departure of these friends feels like, to me, a part of the old glory days of having that friend leave too. With that friend leaves all the memories and experiences that I had with those friends as well. It is hard to look back on those experiences, but it is a necessary part for us to gain more wisdom and understanding in our own life.
Kelly was among the hardest of the people in my life to get over. It was not because of any faults of my own that she left my life, but there were a lot of outside influences that caused this friendship to dissipate and it was something that was harder than usual for me to accept. To me, she was the pinnacle of friendships for me and remains among the very best of my life, but most of that greatness came after the friendship actually died. This is part of a theme that came about in my life. Friends that come and go in your life do not tend to influence you while you are friends, but they do influence you the most after the friendship dies. For many people in my life, the most influence came after the friendship ended.
We all have many friends in life that come and go. I am an individual that has a high turnover of friends mainly because I am one who is always searching and seeking the next great thing. I am always coming into and leaving groups of people that had people that influenced me for a short time. I have not had any great friends since elementary school because my life was never that consistent. I went into and left many groups of people and I was influenced by those people in those groups during the time that I was in those groups.
These patterns are part of patterns that many people go through in life. There are some people who are comfortable with longer lasting friendships and those people that are comfortable with shorter friendships. It is normal to not have friends for a long time just like it is normal to have friends for a long time. Sometimes, we are not meant to have good friends for a long time and that we lose good friends at some point in our life to teach us a lesson. It is more important for us to learn from our mistakes and move on than it is to keep the people in our life. I did not know about this in the very beginning and I outstayed all the friendships that I tried to forge in the beginning. As time went on, however, I focused less on the people and more on the lessons that I learned with them, which in many cases happened after the actual friendships ended.
The good things in life never last. Even those friends that stay with you for a long time will eventually leave you. Your life changes as do your friends. This has happened to me many times in my life and there is always something different that comes along. I wanted the good things in my life to continue, but they quickly became the bad things in my life. I felt like the glorious times in my life were leaving and that the bad things were coming into my life because of the outside forces. The bad times were coming into my life because of the fact that I wanted to overstay the good things.
The best advice that I can give you in your life if you do not want bad things to come in is to go with the flow of life and to let life happen. Yes, you will sometimes lose some really good things, but that is the way it is meant to be. If you force something into your life that is no longer meant to be there, then you will allow bad things to enter into your life and you may even lose out on some opportunities. Those missed opportunities, much like the learning that you experience through your friendships, are sometimes not seen until after the fact. Those are also just as painful. Life will go on even if you lose everything. Going through friends is just a part of life. Friends are temporary aspects of your life that come in and stay for a time when you need them. When it is no longer necessary to have them, they will leave your life naturally.
The thing that I need the most in my life is to have some sort of stable friendship. I have had difficulty with that and will continue to have those difficulties going into the future. Sometimes that is what is meant to be. I cannot hold a long term friendship because my own life changes at a rapid pace. I thought that I needed to have long term friendships to be happy, and that is part of the case, but sometimes it is not always meant to be and that is something that is hard to grasp for many people.
In the end, though, life does go on and friends come and go without a hitch. Just as you lose a friend, the other person loses a friend as well. When you do lose a friend, try and learn about the reason why you lost that friend and make an effort to not make the same mistake again. The wisdom that you able to impart from the friendships that you forge in your life will carry you onwards on a personal level. Better things will always come despite the fact that you lose good things. As glory in your life departs, a new glory that is brighter will come again. I found that many times in my own life, especially in the year leading up to my graduation. The reason that people leave my life is because of changes that happen in my life and the ever changing interests that I have.
ENTRY 22: TO BE GOOD AGAIN FEBRUARY 2011
Every time my life went down the tubes, I tried and succeeded on some levels to pick myself back up again. I try to be a good and honest person all the time and I make mistakes sometimes. I am human. I will sometimes get lazy and make mistakes in my life. It is just proof that you have to be vigilant in life so that you don’t make the same mistakes again. I do not claim to be perfect in any sort of way. The only people who have been perfect in the face of the world are the Christs, and there are only a few that ever existed in history.
It is a valiant effort to strive for the good in the world. The way of the Christs and the way to get to the ultimate reality lies in that fact, but it is something that is very hard to achieve. You have this spiritual intuition about yourself and you are flawed with this human condition. This dual nature is something that is also seen throughout life. Your life is not always bad and it is not always good, but you need to strive to make it as good for yourself as possible, and there are a few different ways to do it.
Every time I go through bad things in my life, I lose sight of who I really can be. I get so caught up in the past that I do not think about the future. This does not happen in my social life, but it happens in life in general. That fact of life and that dual nature of humanity causes us to lose sight sometimes. It is not an easy thing to do, but it is always necessary to move on because it is the future that is always brighter.
The hardest times in my life were periods in time where I was blamed for something really bad. I have been the source of blame for many things in my life and it is a hard pill to swallow. It is never as big of a deal as it seems and it is something that can be rectified. The best thing to do in this situation is to move on because a better time is always coming. I strive to be good and I want to be good again. I will fall, but I will rise up again. That is my nature.
Most of all, you should never give up in life. Many people go through the good in life with the idea that it will stay. People will face hard times and they think that it is the end of the world and they end it all without seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. You need to be up in the down times and down in the up times. You should not take too much pride in the good times because they are temporary. You should also try to maintain the good in the worst of times. That is the key to happiness in life, really.
When I was trying to get over Kelly, I tried very hard to be the better person in the face of the opposition that I faced in those months of my life. I did not know how to react to what was happening and I felt ever more alienated from the group of people that I spent the last year and a half of my life with. I understood later that it was a learning experience for me and would later take me in a direction that I never expected.
I was helped along this journey in 2011 through my time with Aislynn, which brought me down a new path where Kelly did not seem as relevant to my life. I thought that I was a good person and perfect for the life of the people that I interacted with. At the time, the people that I had in my life were perfect for me, but was I perfect for them? It is a double edge sword. They may have seen me as an important asset to their life and they may have not, but that is not important to my life. It is something that I always think about, though.
We are naturally curious as human beings. Our intuition allows us to understand the world better and to learn from our mistakes. Many people do not realize that we can learn from all the people that we meet and all the experiences that we have in life. This is something that is not well understood because we get caught up in the bad and never think of the good in the bad. We also have this knack to go after things that we should not necessarily go after. The reason for the perceived “badness” in my life was because of those two mistakes that I made in my life and the mistakes that are commonly found in life. In order to think in a new way and to see the world through a new set of eyes, we need to think and act in a way that is not expected of us, which would be the way that the Christs acted and taught us through their stories.
I try all the time to be a good person. I do not succeed all the time, but I am successful in learning from the mistakes that I made in life so that I can make a better life for the future. It is something that I am not alone in doing. I think that we all try to do this and that we all experience mistakes in our life. We need to come back on our own life if our life gets tough and we need to make it so that we can be good again. That is what I tried to do and that is what I have been successful at doing many times in my life. When life seemed hopeless for me, I fell back and looked at my life and decided to forge ahead.
ENTRY 23: THE SEARCH FOR A PURPOSE MARCH 2011
We are all searching for a purpose in life. We are all looking for the meaning of the questions that are not always easy to answer. I have been searching for it for a number of years and it was at this point in my life that I seriously brought it into question again. After failing three times and thoroughly ruining a reputation because of my actions, I wondered about my future and where it should lie. I wanted to be with new groups, but was I willing to make such sacrifices so that I could continue in my purpose? I knew at this point for a long time as to what I wanted in my life, but did I really want that? Or did I want something more?
Aislynn finally gave me what I most desired in my life and I loved it at first. A week later, I realized that I no longer loved it. I didn’t know why I wanted it in the first place. Maybe it was the person I was with. Maybe it was the changing dynamic. To this day, I am still not sure, but it was the only true relationship that I had in this capacity on my journey. I thought that I knew what I wanted in my life and I realized that all the desires I had in my life were not actually desires that I had.
I thought for a long time that I wanted to be more than a friend to someone. I realized that I was lustful towards individuals because I wanted something more than what was desired. I was searching for the things of the world and I realized that my relationships with friends went much deeper than they were at the time. I am satisfied with not having a serious relationship, but I wanted someone that fit in with my life and what I initially got was not something that I expected in my life.
I want to get the most out of any friendship and I think that it is a desire of all of us. We all want to get the most out of all our experiences but many people do not realize that there is more under the surface. There is much more to life than the life we see. Sometimes, the worst things that could ever happen to you would be the things that make your life better.
Everything that happens in your life happens for a reason. Despite what you may think about life, your actions caused certain reactions that caused certain choices to happen. Your life goes down a path based on these principles alone. Some people that come and go in your life will have the most impact on your life. There is nothing that happens that was not the result of actions in the past. I was once searching for something to happen to me. It happened to me for one week and I hated it in the end. I realized that all the things I wanted were not actually things that I needed. This caused a change for me in my focus and in my path of life.
My view on relationships changed after my experiences with Aislynn and it caused me to take a new perspective on it. Aislynn was the first ever person to be with me because of the group as opposed to the person. In the past, I wanted to fall in love with the person and the group, but I joined the group because of the person. Aislynn was the first of a trend, which would be joining the group and then finding the people that followed. This is a pattern that continues to this day.
Although the pattern changed, my luck did not change much and I have been accepted and rejected many times. Everyone has a different life, and it is not worth it to be caught up on one person and to emulate the life of another. The life of another person would not be able to work for you. We all have unique lives and it may not be in your nature to have the things that you desire the most in life. I desired to have a relationship in my life, and once I got one, I didn’t like it and it wasn’t all that it was cracked up to be.
The purpose of life for all of us is individual as humans, but as spirit, all of our spirits have a common goal. We all have different lives and we all have different goals, but the path to salvation will have one end to its means because of the destiny that our spirits have to be able to reach. We will all have our individual lives, but we all have to act in the same manner towards one another so that we can attain the same destiny.
Just like our purpose in life is spiritual, it is also humanistic. Just because your spirit has a pre-defined goal does not mean that you have to follow that. Follow your own dreams and your life will find some way to compensate for the lack of order. Your life will naturally lead you and your spirit to the same end that everyone else in life would be able to attain. Everyone will have the same last moment of their life and this would lead to an enlightened state.
Like all people in life, I was searching for a purpose in life. Our purpose in life is always changing and our purpose in life is not always known to us. I thought that I had this purpose in mind and that I had goals that would lead me on that path. I expected things to stay the same since the beginning of the journey and I did not expect new things to go down a new path. Your life changes when you least expect it, but these changes can change you for the better.
ENTRY 24: THE CHOSEN ONES MARCH 2011
There are only a few people in the world who have been called the chosen ones. The Christs that have come and gone through the world to understand and master the human condition are among those people who are called. In each and every one of our lives, there are some people who come and go through your life to help you to become a better person. Those are among the chosen ones in your life and you should take great strides in honoring and respecting them because they are deserving of it. It will help you to become a more humble person in your own light.
There are many reasons that the Christs are considered the chosen ones. They were people with this intuition about them that improved the lives of those they touched. This application can come to your individual life when these people who hold a high place in your life come to hold a special place in your heart. They may not be perfect human beings, but they are perfect in your own life and they help you to be a better person. Those are among the chosen people in your own life.
I have had many such people come and go in my life. I may have not always thought of them as the best and they may not think highly of me, but they gave so much meaning to my life that they became these chosen people in my life for their contribution. Although I always feel the need to do the same to their life, that is not always the case. That is just the nature of life and of humanity. My life, and indeed the lives of every human being, are somehow largely influenced by the people around you and the people that get close to you.
There is not a single person in my life that was a pinnacle among all pinnacles. Up to this point, I have had many friends who were really great and who were not. Each one of them had more of an influence on my life than other people. I had some, such as Shannon and Kelly, who were very influential on the direction of my life and are among the very best. There are others, such as Mary, who were not quite as influential, but their lessons were just as important to me as the major ones were.
The people that influenced me in my life may or may not appreciate me, but I want them to know how important they have been to my life and that their influenced helped me to be a better person. The greatest satisfaction that you can have in life is to be able to improve the life of another, but that fact is not always known or shared. I want more people to share the love, because you never know when changing the life of another person could help you improve your own life. If we are able to share this knowledge and recognize this influence, the world would be a vastly different place.
The one who will be at the pinnacle of my life would be the one that would permanently change my life. In my case, it would be the one that I take in marriage. It does not matter who it is and it does not matter when it happens, but that should be the most important person in your life. The best part about such a marriage is that the change happens on both sides and there is always something new to learn. Relationships do not last because people lose focus on the change and the marriage becomes stagnant. The decision to marry an individual is among the most important of your life.
The person that I eventually marry is someone who would be special to me and would have to exceed the standards set by the people in the past. It is often asked of me if I were to marry the person that I was in a relationship with at the time. The answer is yes. That should apply to anybody that you decide to be in a relationship with. I know that it sounds old school, but that is how we all can get the most out a relationship.
If you are in a relationship with someone, you should not necessarily expect to marry that person, but you should treat that person as you would a significant other. This fullness of relationship is important for us and it is something that is not important in modern society. We should go against these new norms and we should have to increase the quality of the people that we interact with. The people that we come across to influence our life is very important for our continuing maturity.
One of the greatest tragedies of our generation is the absolute destruction of any form of true relationship on a large scale. What we see in the media and what many of us strive for is something that should not even exist. Remember, a relationship is not centered on us and our happiness. When you are close to another person, you need to strive to make them a better person. Any true relationship is one where we strive to make the person we are in a relationship with better than they were before, not about our egotistic pursuits. If we all remember this, we will better their life as they better our life.
The chosen ones of a society are those who help us as a whole. The chosen ones of our life are those who help us as individuals. We are each a microcosm of our society and we all should aim to find the people in our life that will help us the most. We do not look for those things until we are much older, but we need to look earlier. We often forget about those in our childhood that helped us to be better people and we should honor them. I place great honor on those people that should normally not matter, but they made me into who I am at an age in my life that was very impressionable. That should be the legacy of all friendships and relationships.
ENTRY 25: THE GUIDANCE AND INTERCESSION APRIL 2011
People come and go throughout your life. The point of all this temporary communication that you forge is to make you into a better person as you go through life. Although you get progressively better as you gain more life experience and go through other people, new challenges always come forward and life presents it to you. It is not always easy, but the right people will come along to help you, intercede on your life, and make you into a better person going out of these experiences. One of the major points of life is to make other people better, and in turn, people will come into your life and make you better as well.
The point of your life is to make the lives of the people around you better in any way. This seems contradictory to the point that you have to make your life better, but you can only make your life better through the people that come and go in your life. This is because we do not have the capacity to learn about something we do not know without some form of help. We will have to look at books or webpages and we often ask other people to help us.
Friends come into your life for two main reasons. The first reason is for guidance. Friends guide you through actions and words to know what is wrong and what is right. Keep this in mind when you are with your friends. The people around you look to you as an example, just as you look to the people around you as an example. The actions you take are a direct result of the people that are around you. Of all the people that come and go in your life, the friends are the most temporary, but they are among the most important and influential of your life as well.
The second reason is for intercession. As humans, we will make many mistakes in our life and we are influenced to make decisions about our life from the people that we interact with. As a friend, it is imperative that you help out a fellow human being in need and to help a friend to not make a bad decision. We are more powerful as a collective than we are as a single person. That is something that I learned over many years and I look for those friends that will provide guidance and intercession in my life. It is also something that I strive to do to others.
Aislynn is one of the most influential people in my life. She exerted most of the influence on my life when we were just friends. In a relationship environment, the influence stagnated and that is where I learned about the true purpose of relationship. She, however, exemplified both guidance and intercession on my life throughout the years that I have known her. It is these two qualities that I bring to any friend and it is also two qualities that I expect from a friend.
Many religious people look to Christs, Saints, Gurus, and Prophets for this form of guidance and intercession. Many of the problems that arise from it is that you are not able to exert the same influence, mainly because many of the people that we look up to are dead, and that is why terms such as “living god” are used in Christian circles. This perceived living of the god allows the influence of the Christs and gods to guide us and intercede on our behalf. It does not always work, however, and many of us look elsewhere for this real influence.
We can learn much from what the Christs and the prophets looked up to for their own guidance and intercession. Many times, we see Christs in the stories and prophets in the stories look to other people for advice and for making decisions with them. The opinions of other people were a powerful influence on the decisions of the Christs. Sometimes, the decisions were in the favor of the Christs and sometimes they were not, but it is a reflection of the decisions that we have to make in our life.
I asked Aislynn many times when we were close on advice and guidance and she did the same for me. It was guidance and intercession on a level that I did not experience up to that point and it has been hard for other people that I have been in a relationship with to match. The problems arise when I am very shy to ask other people on advice and other people do not ask me for advice. It is something that is very easy to do within the same sex, but very hard to do when you ask someone of the opposite sex.
A sign of any healthy relationship is knowing the other person and asking for guidance and intercession of the other. Relationships are not healthy if the intention for improvement is on the self, but it is healthy if you strive to improve the other person. Since it is our goal to help out those around us, we also need to expect good things to come our way because the same humans that we improve will help improve our life as well. We need to look for others because their knowledge is different than ours and they can enhance our own knowledge, which is the ultimate goal for our life.
I am constantly on the lookout for friends that need me as much as I need them. It has not happened to me many times in my life as of yet, unfortunately, but I think that the people that have many relationships for the most part are in it for their own desires. Of course, there are exceptions and I know of many people, but that is getting ever rarer in this society. In a constant battle between my two natures, I look for ways to harmonize those natures, and that happens through friends in my own life.
ENTRY 26: MAKING SACRIFICES APRIL 2011
When better things come along in my life, I have had to make many sacrifices. Even when things got really bad did I have to make many sacrifices that cost me a lot of good things in exchange for a horrible truth. I feel like I really had to give up a lot so that other people could be happy. I want to be happy at some point in time. I don’t usually get what I want, but I do get what I need at the time. There will be some time where the things I want and the things I need will be in line, but that time has not yet come.
There is a reason for me being the way I am today. I am by no means a perfect human being. I make the same kinds of mistakes that everyone makes. I am also a very unique kind of person and I have problems that are unique for me too. The thing that I desire the most in my life is to have a close friendship. Unfortunately, that is also the thing that I struggle the most with and it is the one thing that has fleeted me all my life. I never had a close friend in this day and age and it likely won’t change for a while.
The times that I made mistakes in the beginning were rough. When I was involved in a friendship that did not work out in the end, I found it really hard to let go of that past. The hardest person that I ever had to give up on and move on would be Kelly. She was so hard to give up because of the adversity that I endured as a direct result of her influence and the gratefulness that I now feel in helping me advance my life.
I had to make many great sacrifices for the better of the people around me. I want the people around me to be happy, but the people around me want themselves to be happy. It seems like my own happiness does not matter to them and that is the most hurtful part of it. I have very few desires in my life, but those things that I need the most are out of reach for me, despite how close I got at some points in time. Making sacrifices is hard for me, but it is sometimes necessary for the happiness of others.
Sacrifice is an important part of our life. In the life that we live, we have to ensure that the happiness of those around us are maintained. That is the philosophy of my approach now. The problem that I had in the beginning and the problems that many people face today is the problem of ego. We are not on this earth to make ourselves happy and it is not all about us. It is about the other people because they are the ones that truly influence our life.
The ones who are important in your life are worth making sacrifices for. I was eventually willing to make the sacrifices that I did because I cared so much for the well-being of the people. I was unhappy and I did not get what I wanted, but in the process, I was able to give the other people what they wanted, and that is what really set me off to move on. When you understand that this is how life should be, it will be much easier to get over people, to let it go, and to be able to move on effectively.
These sacrifices became a lot easier for me as time went on. I learned about the nature of sacrifice and friendship and I decided at some points in time to leave the friendships because of the fact that we would both be better off without one another. It was not always mutual and it was not always easy to do, but it was necessary because of the fact that it is the way life is. The ultimate sacrifice is to give up everything that you know and hold dear for other people. It is something that many of us are not willing to do because of our egos.
The sacrifice is the test for the ego. This is the pinnacle of the life of the Christs. The fact that their sacrifices made them who they are is a testament about our own life and how we should live our life. When they say that we should live like Christ, that means that we should live our life so that we can make that ultimate sacrifice for the sake of another. You should not ever have to get to that point, but there will be many times in your life where you will bring up the short end of the stick and lose out in the end.
All sacrifices throughout history are the sacrifices where the person making the sacrifice gets little in comparison to the people that receive the benefits. The hope is that someone makes a sacrifice for you and your dues will be returned. Remember that good deeds will bring good results and that bad deeds will bring bad results. You need to live in such a way that would allow you to get the most benefit and to be able to give up the most that you can for the benefit of your own life.
I had to make many sacrifices in my life socially. I lost a lot of great friends over the years. I did not get much in return, but I hope that I can use this example to inspire the people of the world to think of their friendships, relationships, and sacrifice in such a way that would allow all the people to be able to benefit from the sacrifice of others and to look at the word “sacrifice” in a new way. Just like how a relationship is not about the ego, the sacrifice is not about the ego either. Your actions determine the life decisions of others.
ENTRY 27: FREEDOM APRIL 2011
One of the primary purposes of your existence is the complete liberation of your life. Freeing yourself of all the bad things of the world is one of the reasons for your progression into the characteristics of the divine. The Christs freed themselves of all the things of the human condition and they acted in such a way that is not characteristic of the way that we should act. Liberation of all the baggage of your life is the first step to understanding the way the world is and the reason for our true existence. The Christs represented our potential liberation if we choose to act in that way.
There have been many instances for the freedom that the people feel when they are righteous. When we act in such a way that we are truly free, we will have no reason for the pain of the world to come upon us. The reason for the pain of the world is because society was raised up in such a way that would cause us to run astray from our path. The world today wants us to go down the path of destruction and away from the path of righteousness. That is not in our nature.
Many of the religions of the world will agree with me and many gurus will also agree with this, but the freedom that we supposedly enjoy on this earth is not the true freedom of the world. Where I will go wrong with religion is that religion is a part of the society and it does not bring you true freedom either. True freedom comes when you go down your path, no matter the content, to the ultimate reality of the divine that we will all one day enjoy. A genuine religion will allow you to be as involved as you need to and to find your own path to the divine.
Many people do not see the world for what it really is. Ever since the beginning of society, religions and states consisting of a few of the people who know of the ways of the world as they truly are come together to deceive the people and make them bow to the people that know. The world is run by a very few to control the masses and they do not want you to know about the world as it truly is. In a religious sense, the divine is not a path that requires works or faith, but it requires you to think in such a mindset that would allow you to be truly free.
All of the Christs of the world preached this doctrine above all else. The path to liberation is in the self. When the orthodox Christians won out, the gnostic Christians were persecuted to an unforeseen level and their scriptures were cast away for the promotion of the doctrines of all Christianity today. Since the Gnostic texts are now known, we can see what the Christians thought of the Christ as he truly was. The Christ of the gospels is not the full story of the mind of the Christ.
The two kinds of people in the world are those who know and those who don’t. We need to re-evaluate our priorities and think of the world in a Christ like manner. It is not hard to do, but it is something that we need to think about. We think of the world in terms of being an animal in the world that is animalistic. This is only partially true. We have forgotten the uniqueness and the spiritual aspect of our being.
I faced much hardship in my life. It was not a walk in the park for me to get through what I went through. I had a lot of physical and mental pain that was caused by myself and others. The hardest kind of pain is emotional and spiritual, and that is something that I went through as well. The time right after the banning from the Catholic Church group and the return was very hard for me because I experienced this hardship. Even though I was allowed back in, the pain that I went through brought me to a point where I was not the same. The group, in my eyes, was no longer appealing to me and I still faced the pain of being in direct proximity to the people that hurt me the most.
This was the impetus for me trying to find a new group of people to be involved with. I found the most support among a group of people that were a part of another religion, the LDS Church. This allowed me to naturally be drawn to the group, with the fact that I dated a lapsed Mormon for a time speeding up the process of my joining. Once I started meeting with the LDS Missionaries and learning more about the Church, the liberation of my life began.
When I am talking about “freedom”, I am not looking at replacing one religion for another religion, but I started thinking about the way that I was placed in the wider society and I started thinking about how I wanted to be a leader in my life. This was the beginning of the development of my spiritual life and the development of my philosophy. It started out simply as a combined and syncretic religion based largely on Mormon and Catholic doctrine, but it has since expanded into the philosophy that I have today. The philosophy that I hold to today is the combination of all my experiences, and that is what true religion is. That is the ultimate goal of your life. You do not have to believe in the same things that I do, but it is important to mold the religion to your understanding of the world. The world is not as simple as you think and the people in the world, even among the same religion, are vastly different in true thought. Do not be afraid to discover the wisdom of the world. You will face true liberation and it will be better than any liberation that you will ever get.
ENTRY 28: REJECTION MAY 2011
Rejection is one of the hardest things to get over in this world. Rejection happens when there is no harmony between the individuals involved. Rejection is the hardest for the person who thinks that there is a connection. Not all humans on the planet will connect with one another on a personal level, but it is my belief that more people would be able to connect if we think of friendships and relationships in a different way. This is something that I had to learn in the year 2011 when I was going through many changes in my own life in preparation for my transition from grade school and into college. At the same time, I was also transitioning to a large extent from the Catholic Church into the LDS Church, at least on a social level.
I faced a large amount of rejection by the entire Catholic Church group when I came back. When I was allowed back into the group, I did not feel welcomed by my peers for the things that were said about me and the problems that were caused by others. I was deeply hurt by all the rejections that I found in the group of people that I associated myself with for many years. I was ostracized and rejected for the things that I did and that caused me to change my beliefs. I was eventually called out on those as well. It caused me to look for new groups of people to associate myself with.
What should you do when you face rejection? At first, I was in denial of the rejection and I held on to the friendships that were clearly falling apart. This did not work as I felt more and more pain on a daily basis as I saw the people that I were still in love with at the time moving on. I was left alone in the world and I only moved on when something better came along. It did for the most part. When Kelly left my life, I did not have a new person immediately come into my life. My entire way of life was also torn apart and I had nowhere to go. By the time I was allowed back in, my ideology and life was never the same, and I was focused on new groups of people. Kelly was the last of the people that I fell for in the Catholic Church group.
Ever since that time, rejection came easier to me. I would take it as an opportunity to move on and to make my life better. Better things always came along when I was rejected by another person. It was still not easy and it remains hard, but I see it as an opportunity to be gained as much as an opportunity that is lost. When you hold on too long, you lose sight of what is going on around you and you miss out on an opportunity in life. That is the pain that is more painful than the rejection. When you know you missed something, you really lose out.
Many people end their lives before their time because of the rejection of the people around them. They feel a sense of hopelessness when they are rejected. People in the world do not know how to reject and people don’t know how to take rejection. It is not easy because someone is bound to get hurt in the end. I got hurt a lot because I was never the one to break off the friendship up until this point. It was always because of outside factors. The problem was intensified when I still wanted to be friends and the people that I were friends with and they had moved on.
It is hard to move on in our society because we come into the world with the expectation that the good times will always be there and that there must be something wrong with you as an individual if you are rejected. This is one of the great problems of society. We should, first of all, not reject other people. I believe that everyone deserves a chance and that I should have been given more chances than I was afforded. You never know who is going to make you the happiest in life. Also, don’t take other people for granted. Your friends are the most important shapers of your life, but they are also the most temporary. You will leave them quickly and you will have to move on when they are no longer useful to your life. The third, and the most important thing, is that we need to learn to move on as a society. When the friendship has been exhausted, it is important to let it go and move on.
The relationships that I had later in life were much easier to get over. I learned my lessons and I recognized that the people that I was friends with would not be people that I would be friends with forever. It would be much easier for me to move on and I always give people a chance when they want to be close friends. I just wish that the people I wanted to be friends with would give me a chance in the same spirit that I have about other people. I want people to recognize that their actions have an impact on the lives of the people around them.
Many of the ills and tragedies of the world would be avoided if people felt accepted and loved. Our society is not truly about acceptance or love. We do not give the people of the world the respect they deserve and we do not give people the credit they deserve for their influence on your life. I do all of these things to the people that I love and once loved and I do it whether they appreciate it or not because they deserve it in the eyes of my life. I would not be the person I am without their friendship and their rejections. The rejections are in many cases more important than the friendships were in changing my life.
ENTRY 29: A NEW LIFE MAY 2011
During this time in my life, I went through a great transition from the old life and into the new life. The biggest transition that I made during this time would be a change of religious preferences. I was forced into a position as a result of my time with Kelly and the banning from the Catholic Church group for a number of months where I had to find a new group to belong to. As my time back in the Catholic Church was not the same, I wanted to relive the glory days to a large extent, but I had to find a new group of people to associate myself with.
It was my time with Aislynn that brought me into the LDS Church initially. She was an inactive Mormon and the rest of her family was active. It was that family that brought me into the LDS Church through the missionaries that are very active in the Church infrastructure. Their kindness and knowledge on church topics were intriguing to me, as I have seen neither of these things active in the church that I was a part of at the time. This is what led me to think initially.
I was also helped out a lot by my Mormon friends at school. They were a great support to my efforts as well and they were much more welcoming to me at this time than the church that I was a part of at the time. Most of them did not change their attitudes about me, but the ones that really mattered to me at the time were in many cases not talking to me at all. It was at this time that I started to think about the direction of my life and I decided to change it so that I could have a chance at a better one.
I initiated this new life at this time because events that were perpetrated by others and influenced by outside events caused me to think deeply about the direction of my life. I was going through the same problems with Shannon, Mary, and Kelly, and I felt like I had not learned anything up to that point. I needed a change because I needed to learn something new and to come to new experiences and to meet different kinds of people. It was this mindset that caused me to change so many groups and to come to something that I like.
Many people go through their life without really understanding the nature of why things happened in their life that was so bad. Many people either go with the flow or they do something that will ultimately kill them because of the innocent things that happen in the life of every individual. There is a lot of things that humanity has failed to learn from the experiences they had in their life because they did not take the time to really understand things as they are.
I decided down this path because it was right for me at the time. All the pieces fell in place for me to leave the old life that I had behind and to come down a new direction that was ready for me to come to. I made the leap because the leap was provided for me. It seemed like I was anointed into this new path because it was sent to me to go down. Many people may see the path in front of them, but they choose not to take it. When life presents a path in front of you, you should take it.
The biggest pain in peoples lives happens when they do not take the path that was laid out in front of them. It is painful because then they go down a path that is not meant for them and they see the pain of the results of the path. The new life that is set out in front of you is the path that you are meant to go down. It may not be the path that you are looking for, but the path will be worth it in the end. I did not mean or want to join the LDS Church at first, but I was looking for something new and the LDS Church proved itself to be worth a shot.
My association with the LDS Church changed my life forever. Not only was it a new group to join, but it was also the first step to a complete change of heart and mind that led me to the point that I am at today. Had I not taken that path, my life would have stagnated with my time in the Catholic Church and I would have surely made the same mistakes. I was also in need of something that the church I was a part of no longer needed.
Many people stagnate in their life because they choose not to change things. It is good to go out and explore new things. Think of it as a reset and anointing of a new life within a life. Even today, I lead many different lives, each with their own purposes and benefits. I do not think of starting over as a bad thing at all, in fact, I see more positives than negatives with those changes. Sometimes it is needed, like in my case, to really come forward with something new and exciting.
I do not think of my time with any group as useless. Any group that I join is for my benefit and any person that I meet I will be friends with for my benefit. When the usefulness is outlived, I move on. It was not so simple at the beginning, but now I see it as something that is very useful to the advancement of my life. Many of the things in my life are only temporary. What is permanent is the world that will revolve and evolve whether I am ready or not for it. Change will come to all of our lives, it is up to us to determine how we choose to embrace it.
ENTRY 30: FRIENDSHIP MAY 2011
What does it mean to be a friend? I pondered on this question a lot at this time in my life. At this time, I was seriously questioning my friendships that I made with the Catholic Church. It was also at this time that people came into my life that I never expected to come in. These people influenced my life and changed my life in a new direction. There was a group of people that caused me to join another Church group and there was another group of people that helped me to find my first true relationship. These groups at work and among the Mormons helped me to offset the pain that I experienced going into the Catholic Church after being banned for a number of months as a result of the influence of Kelly.
When I entered into 2011, I started long relationships with two young ladies who would later be very influential in my life. The first one was Aislynn and the second one was Alaina. Each of them helped me to understand more about myself and each one of them brought something new to the table. They would help me to expose new things about me. If it was not for them, I may not have been the person I am today. It was events that happened among the Catholic Church group that caused my life to arrive at a point to where I would be able to pursue new groups. Their influence taught me a lot about true friendship and they helped me to expose what was wrong with the situation that I was in previously.
Aislynn came into my life because I was working at the rec center that she also worked at. Starting in January, I was more heavily involved in the workplace and I was able to escape many of the problems that I faced at school by being around people that I was not at school with all the time. This helped me to get away from many of the problems that developed. It was also notable that she was also an inactive Mormon, which would help me in a religious sense going into the future. This would help me tie in with Alaina, an active Mormon, after the era I had with Aislynn died down. Aislynn and Alaiana would usher in a new era of spirituality and open mindedness that would lead me to conflicts in the future regarding religion and doctrine.
Alaina came into my life at the same time, but I would not see her value in my life until months later when she was instrumental in helping me to get into the active Mormon lifestyle. She would be instrumental in helping me to see the flaws and the beauty of religion also. Although she was not perfect, she would be a great help in transitioning me from my old life and into a new life that I was afraid to go into before. This would help me to leave my past behind and to embrace the future.
I learned many things at the time about the value of friendships. When I came back into the Catholic Church after my ban of many months, I understood that many of the people that I thought were my friends would actually turn out not to be. I was placed in a situation at the time where I felt vastly out of place. Many people that I interacted with in the past were not the same and I was placed in a group of people through the Confirmation program that caused me to not be able to connect with any of them. I felt like my time was wasted and that was because I was not able to be there for a number of months. It was a horrible situation and that allowed me to pursue other groups and make new kinds of friends.
It was shortly after this time that I decided to read the book of Mormon. I became good friends with many people at the time who belonged to that group of people. When they found out that I was interested in their church and was in the process of reading the Book of Mormon, I was even more encouraged. At the time, I was taking a vast interest in Aislynn and I discovered that she was an inactive Mormon. Although she did not agree with my decisions at the time, I was in the process of seeking a new church group and I was interested in the church that her mother was very active in. It was through this channel that I was able to get in touch with the missionaries and to continue my studies.
Having a good friend in your life is important. There are many types of friends that you can have in your life and they all have a purpose in your life. Throughout your journey, the right friends will come and go depending on your position in life. You are never given anything that you cannot handle and your friendships can lead you to a better life if you want to go down that path. You will have friends come and go. Don’t worry about losing friends. That was the mistake I made in the past.
The friends I had at the time were actually not my friends for the right purposes and intentions. I was chasing after friends that did not want to be with me in the first place. The focus at this point shifted somewhat to groups of people, from which I would be able to make friends based out of the groups that I was involved with. It is important to have good friends in life and the friends I made in January of 2011 are still friends that I have to this day. I was not friends with the first three because I wanted them despite their disinterest in me. This would be the first time I focused on the groups and it would allow me to make even better decisions regarding friends. It was too late for me to save my group with the Catholic Church, however.
ENTRY 31: LOYALTY MAY 2011
Aislynn was the only serious relationship I had during this era. Although I had dated all of them at some point, Aislynn was the only one that I was ever committed to while she was committed to me. There was a difference in my mind at the time between dating someone and having a relationship with somebody. Dating someone means that you go out on dates with people and being in a relationship means that someone remains committed to you in the midst of dating. There was nobody but Aislynn who said that she would remain committed to me. I was scared that she was not, though, because of the vast differences between me and her.
There were needs that Aislynn had and wanted that I would be unable to fulfill because of my belief system at the time. It was unusual for her to have been in a relationship with someone like me and I knew full well who she was and what she had done in the past. I knew that there were some things that I would not be able to do for her to fulfill her needs. This caused me to be very much afraid of her becoming disloyal to me. It was at this point that I was also becoming very wary of loyalty in general, being rejected three times before. I learned through her that I should not be afraid of people being disloyal to me. It was ironic in the fact that someone like her would teach me about loyalty and chastity, being the first of the Guardian Angels to not project those qualities about her to the world.
Being chaste does not mean what many people want you to think. Although it is virtuous to be pure from sexual relations outside of the people that you love, it is also representative of a commitment. Many people choose not to commit themselves to any one person until they have found the one. The problem with the world is that commitment means almost nothing in this day and age. Commitment does not hold the same meaning that it has done. It would be okay to have sexual relations with someone outside of marriage, but you should do it with someone that you would want to marry should you have to. Chastity in this context holds more meaning to commitment of the individual to the other and not just in the physical sense.
Before her, I desired very much to be in a relationship with someone. I preferred to be in a relationship with someone that had the same worldview as I did and I tried three times up to that point with Shannon, Mary, and Kelly. I did not know what I was doing wrong at the time and I failed three times. When I was kicked out of activity at the Catholic Church for a short time, I sought other groups of people. My desires did not go away with the change of groups, however, and I desired to be in a relationship with someone. I finally got my chance and I was successful with Aislynn, but being in a relationship with someone was not as glamorous as I had known it to be.
Lust is a powerful thing. Desire for someone was what set me off on this journey and it is a theme that remained with me in some capacity for many years. Even when I did not desire an individual, I desired to know more about the truth. That is what brought me to where I am today. I wanted to fulfill the things in my life that were lacking. That is what many people search for in life. Having the desire for something is a very natural thing and when used for good, it can bring great fulfillment in your life. What I learned from Aislynn is that I was desiring the wrong things when searching for the truth. At first, I desired to be in a group of people for the people. It was only after I was with Aislynn that I realized that I should not join a group for the people, but I should do it for the group. After this, I was searching for a new group and not a new person. The group, as opposed to the person, became the primary driving force in determining who I hung out with. The people just came into my life as I became interested in the groups.
This change was reflected in my future choices as many of my problems afterwards stemmed from my conflicting beliefs and not actual conflicts with people. I realized that people come and go in your life and it is not the people you want that are important. The important thing is that you associate yourself with people that want to be like you and like things that you like.
This is probably the most important thing that I learned from my time with Aislynn. She completed the lesson for me what Kelly, Mary, and Shannon started. This was something that they also told me about and what many other people told me about. They provided great wisdom to me, but it took me an experience of getting what I want to realize what I actually needed. The intentions I had in life were good, but the root of my desires were wrong.
Aislynn also taught me to trust myself and to trust others again. After the fiasco with Kelly and the Catholic Church, I became very wary of my attendance there. I was not at all comfortable there. She would teach me through her example to not be afraid of change and to seek friends in the right places, not seeking the right places for the people. The people in the group are not a reflection of the group. It is paramount for people to seek the places and the groups that they enjoy being with. I was in it for the people, and that would lead me to my ultimate fate. Just because I spent time with a group of people did not mean that I was always wanted or accepted, and I learned this when I was allowed back into the group in January 2011. Loyalty, like many spiritual topics, is not always as easy as it looks to try and define. Aislynn was loyal to me despite our differences and that would allow me to look at who and what I was loyal to and see if it was truly worth it. I was committed to many people, but I was not committed to a group. This would lead to my spiritual change.
ENTRY 32: WISDOM AND KNOWLEDGE JUNE 2011
Wisdom and Knowledge are important things to gain in life. One of the goals for humanity is to be able to always expand the mind, never stagnate your knowledge in life, and to gain wisdom and knowledge until the end of time. Wisdom and knowledge seem to be the same and people think that it is the same, but they are really different. I did not know the difference between the two at first, but I learned them over time and through experiencing knowledge and wisdom. I am going to tell you these important differences and how you can get through life while learning the most about the life that you are placed in.
Knowledge is something that someone teaches you. In many cases, you will not be able to learn these things through experience alone. Someone who has been taught the knowledge before needs to teach it to you in order to actually know it. Learning knowledge through experience in many cases is rare, but it happens to those who are able to go out and actively find it. It is possible that many of the great thinkers of our age learned knowledge through experience and building off of what has already been taught. All of the things that we know today are merely more advanced versions of what has been taught before.
Wisdom comes to you in a different way. Many of the things that you can learn through experience is what is called wisdom. Many of these things also talk about life and the nature of the self. Many of these things cannot be merely taught, they must be experienced in order to really know of them. This is why we have to go out and experience life as it truly is. We will not know of the ways of the world without seeing it for ourselves.
We are naturally curious creatures. This is why we go to school. We learn wisdom and knowledge through schooling. We learn knowledge in the classroom and our teachers teaching us things of the world. Wisdom comes to us through the social things of the world and learning in places such as the cafeteria and the playground. This is why schooling is so important at a young age. We lose our sense of wisdom and knowledge as we get older and it is important for us to learn about these things so that we can really get the most out of the time that we have.
My mom always attempted to teach me wisdom through the way of knowledge. She was not successful because it is something that is not easy to teach through this way. I needed to experience them for myself even though it was harder for me to get through. I did not always know what to do, but I learned through the experiences that I had. This tends to be hard no matter the time and situation. This is because we cannot teach one thing without using the method that is easiest to teach it with.
We are able to teach wisdom through the knowledge method and knowledge through the wisdom method. This is hard because we are not used to learning in this way. We need to have other people teach us some things and we need to experience other things on our own. This is the case because it is something that our mind is used to thinking. We need to be in the right mood and time so that we can experience these things fully and we need to learn in both of these ways so that we can have a better life with a lot of experience.
We are not perfect human beings. We will be selective with our wisdom and knowledge, but we will learn the most if the learning comes naturally to our lives. We do not need to know everything, but we need more wisdom in our life than knowledge. We can be selective with our knowledge, but we should not be selective with our wisdom. We will eventually learn all the wisdom because it will come to us in a way that will be more natural to us.
I will try to obtain as much knowledge as I can in my life. The learning of knowledge never stops and it gets more relevant to us in time. We learn something new from other people every day. We also learn new snippets of wisdom every day through the experiences that we have in life. We will learn new snippets of these because we do not have all the knowledge and wisdom, even on the day that we die. We will not retain all that we learn, we will pass much of it on, and we will constantly be learning and retaining what is good for me.
The problem with the world is that many people neglect these opportunities to learn of wisdom and knowledge. I did this at this time in my life and I regret some of this. I was so caught up with one person and their influence on my life that I let it get in the way of what I should actually be learning and doing. Because of the influence of a single person or a group of people that turned out to not matter, I was very badly influenced in the continued knowledge that I gained and the wisdom that I gained, and much of this was lost to me.
The guiding principle here is that the learning never truly ends. We will go through life and life will come to us no matter how bad things look. Life will not stop providing us opportunities with wisdom and knowledge and it is up to us to truly gain these things. We need to take advantage of every opportunity because it is important for our continued development and it is important for our natural curiosity. The people and the experiences will keep coming to us and it is up to us to receive them and to use them to our full potential and advantage.
ENTRY 33: BETRAYAL JULY 2011
Betrayal is one of the most selfish acts that you can do. Betrayal is when you change your attitude towards an individual so that you do not want to be associate with them anymore. They did so because they made a mistake and made you feel like you had to get to that situation, but it may be more complicated than you realize and that you are looking out for your interests alone. You do not think about the other person at all even though it may seem like they did not think of you. Although their act may have been unintentional, your act was intentional.
I have had many instances of betrayal in my life. I did not intend for things to go the way they did sometimes and I was hurt as a result. Although many of my interactions and intentions were unintentional, the actions that followed were intentional and targeted at me. I did not listen at first and I was not happy at the end. The betrayals that I received and was a part of hurt me and changed me in many ways. It was not intentional on their part in many cases either, but it was something that still affected me in a negative way.
Betrayal is never good because it is selfish. It is selfish because many people do not want to think of the other party. Up to this point, I was betrayed three times and it seemed selfish at the time. I did not want the betrayals to happen and they did anyways. I did not think that I made many mistakes at the time, but the mistakes went deeper than I realized. I would go back and make things right, but once the betrayal happened, what was done is done in the books.
Betrayal is not good for society either. It breaks people apart and societies apart. It happens so often that there are many lives lost and relationships broken because of it. One of the biggest problems is that society would not think much of the other person. You are on this earth and the focus of your life is on you, but you need to think of your life in the wider context of society. I would not want that to happen to anyone, and after I broke away from Kelly, who remains as the hardest betrayal, I started to think differently about the people that I was in relationships with in the time after.
Betrayal is hardest for the person that is being betrayed. It may drive a person to end their life. When you think about a betrayal situation, it is the person that you should think of the most because it is something that will impact them in a negative way. When you do so, it may be best to think further before you decide to break it off. Remember, everyone deserves a chance at their time because we have only one life to live. We should not think that we have to make sacrifices, but we do think that we need to take advantage of all the opportunities that come to us.
How would my life have been different if the people that I interacted with gave me a chance? I wanted then to give me a chance and I would not have disappointed them. They may not have liked it and they may have, but they would never know because of the opportunity that they did not give me. It would not be until I was with Aislynn that I would finally meet someone who was willing to give me a chance.
Betrayal is hard for the people around me too. In addition to making me feel bad, I made the other people feel bad about me. I lost a lot with each person that did not want to take a chance with me. I wanted people to take a chance with me, but they did not want that opportunity. I would not want anything bad to happen to me or anyone else, and the real problem is that I would not be able to teach them what they wanted and needed to know.
Betrayal is bad all around. The person who does the betrayal would feel bad too. In addition to losing an opportunity and any future opportunities, you would also feel differently about the people and the situations and you would regret it in the future. You would miss out on an opportunity that someone else would get. The friendship and love that I gave to Aislynn would be something that I would also have given to anyone in the past, but they did not afford me the opportunity to do so. I would gladly come back to any of them because I believe in second chances, but would they give me the same opportunity?
My guess is that the person who does the betrayal would not give me another chance. That is the case with most people who perform this act. In addition to making other people feel bad, a bridge to a potentially great companion is burned and bad feelings permeate for years. It is not good for that person because it is not worth it to hold hard feelings and to come to a pattern of forgiveness and moving on. It is also important to make an effort to reach out and to possibly give a second chance. Rekindling a friendship brings in good things that far outweigh the bad things because of the renewed sense of understanding.
A sense of betrayal can destroy entire lives. You need to be very careful with what you do in your life and who you choose to betray. I was betrayed many times. To those who have done so, you are missing out on something that you may have wanted later in life and I would have given you what you deserved, but the bridge was not burned on my end. I would gladly take you back if you wanted to , but that is not up to me and I don’t want the ill feelings of the past to come in. This is the attitude that you have to have in a world of betrayal among many people.
ENTRY 34: THE DISTRACTIONS AUGUST 2011
Over the summer, I was heavily involved in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latte-day Saints. With a good group and a great relationship going, I was happy in that world and I learned a lot socially and doctrinally. I was at a point in time where I was also with groups of people who made me very unhappy. My group at work and I were in constant conflict and I still had sour feelings towards people at the Catholic Church. I was also becoming more and more distant from the people that I used to call my friends and the interactions I used to call acquaintances.
Although there were many people among the Mormons who made me happy, I was also warned not to join by other people in my life. When I met Aislynn, I learned that she was an inactive Mormon and that her mom and the rest of her family are active Mormons. It would be her mom that would introduce me into the Mormon family and I was hooked because I was searching for a group of people to be with. I was further encouraged to do things like read the Book of Mormon and to attend services by friends at school who were of the faith. When it became better known that I was interested in the LDS Church, I was even further encouraged.
I started attending Mormon Church services in the summer of 2011 and I was even more encouraged. I fell into the trap and I was on my way to becoming a full member. I was very interested in their peculiar doctrine, which I found easier and I found made more sense than many of the doctrines that I learned through the Catholic Church. This infusion of Mormonism further enhanced my Catholic belief and I sought to make a hybrid out of them.
I did not know this at the time, but a conflict was brewing in me that caused me to leave religion altogether by the end of next year. I held nothing back as far as bias goes and it caused me to embrace Mormonism as well as Catholicism. I embraced the groups as well. I still had many issues with the people that I hung around with. Among the Catholics, I was still feeling left out because of the problems I had in the past and the way that I was banned for a number of months. When I went back in, I still felt out of place and it caused further problems for me. Among the Mormons, I was still an unbaptized person and I still felt out of place among the youth of the LDS Church I was a part of because of it. I still had great interactions with them at school, though, and much of the strength that comes from the friendships and relationships I forged with the youth of the LDS Church came from outside the church. It was only after I went through all of it that it was the people and the relationships I forged outside of church that mattered and not the religion or the group. Although all of these friendships were forged outside a religious setting, it was because I was interested in their church or religion that I came into it in the first place.
I had many authentic friends during this time, but there were also many people in my life that I did not want or need in my life. I had graduated high school and I left many people behind that caused me grief in the past. I was happy leaving the likes of these people and the fact that I would never see them again made me very happy. I was better off having a few people who were my good friends than having a lot of people and not having all of them being friends. Although I left all the bad from school, I was still experiencing bad things in my religious groups and people I would be a lot better off without. This is a similar situation that I have today with few friends, but I love all the people that I interact with. I was not living an authentic life at the time and that caused me to interact with many people that I did not like and did not like me.
The most important thing to get from this would be to live authentically. If you live an authentic life, you influence the world around you and you will surround yourself in an environment that would allow you to thrive in the world that you love. The world is full of bad things, but that does not mean you have to surround yourself in it and be pressured to belong to groups that you did not belong in. This is what happened in my life and caused my downfall many times.
I was once interested in a girl. In my quest to finally have her, I became associated with people and groups that I did not fit in with, enjoy being with, and were with people that did not enjoy having me around, especially since I was trying to get to one of them. I believe that this was the reason for me going into religious groups in the first place. I was not successful because I was not authentic. If I was an authentic person, I would have associated with people and groups where I fit in and thrived in. I was interested in a certain person within a group of people, not the people and the groups that are associated with them.
I was distracted in my life following fools and I paid a high price for what I did in my high school years through the people and groups I chose to interact with. My authenticity may have brought me better friends, but this journey would have been a lot different if I was not involved with the people and the groups that I was involved with. It is all about the journey and the decisions I made on this journey. None of the things I experienced could be replicated by any other person. That is what makes us human and that is what will provide the way for salvation to come to us. It is all about our journey and what we can take away from it. Do not let the fools distract you from the authentic people and live your life authentically. Do not give in to peer pressure and conform. Be yourself.
ENTRY 35: WISDOM AND KNOWLEDGE FROM THE UNUSUAL PLACES AUGUST 2011
In my time with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-say Saints, I learned a lot about my life and about the world around me. The most important thing I learned from this is the obtaining of new wisdom and knowledge.
There are many things that I learned from their theology that are important to my spiritual development. The process of continuing revelation, for example, is important in the life of every person. Throughout the life of the individual, the individual would go through a process by which they would learn more as they went through life. The individual has to go through a more complete conversion throughout their lives.
There are other things that are important to the life of the individual that I learned from my experiences with the Mormons. The Catholic Church is an archaic organization and does not accept new doctrine easily, which is a problem that remains with many religions of this day. Even the theology of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has fallen behind. The desire for a reformation through a new prophet is one that is important and desperately needed in this day and age. This is why I refer to many people as “fools”.
People are foolish in this world because they lack the desire to obtain new knowledge and wisdom. People are satisfied with where they are spiritually and they feel like there is nowhere else to go. Ironically, the doctrines believed by the founding prophet of the Church that I was involved with for a number of months, Joseph Smith, were very forward thinking at the time. He taught many doctrines of the godhead, the progression, the heavens, and other moral doctrines that were not found in the traditional churches at the time and are still not found there today.
His forward thinking is reflected in the personalities of many religious and spiritual leaders of his times and beyond. It is natural for the person to go through a process of many different conversions and the want and need to advance spiritually. Religion wants us to control, but spirituality frees us from these shackles and we will not fear any repercussion because we realize later that they are nothing more than fear tactics.
Although I was about to go on with my life in a new town and about to experience new things, I would take away the knowledge and the wisdom that I learned throughout my life and with my experiences on my journey to this new town. How would I be influenced and how would I influence others? I was about to leave the bad things in my life and I was about to experience new things that would bring me to a higher spiritual plane.
The development of a wise person starts with a strong foundation and an experience that would propel the individual on the journey of obtaining more wisdom. The understanding of people, events, situations, and effects will propel the person on a path of understanding the reason for people and events that happened in the life of an individual. Since everything in life happens for a reason, the people and events that come through your life will bring you more wisdom through the lessons that you are able to extract as a result.
These events and people will determine your reactions to these things and will bring about other actions that affect you in the future. Wisdom is described as a living being that comes and goes as it pleases. Wisdom has always remained on the earth, but people forgot about the aspects of wisdom at certain times in the history of the world. The only way that you can receive true wisdom is the experiencing of events and people throughout your life and journey, and the actual seeking of wisdom, much in the way that Joseph Smith did in the 1820’s.
One cannot find true wisdom in religion because religious leaders actively try to keep the wisdom of the world from the followers. The followers think that they are receiving wisdom, but they do not give any out because their wisdom and the truth is shrouded in a veil full of dogma, doctrine, rites, and rituals. These will not get one into heaven. Wisdom is seen in a Trinitarian way, much like you should view your life as.
Knowledge, on the other hand, is the obtaining of information through facts. This is normally transmitted through a medium such as a parent or teacher. Knowledge and Wisdom can both be taught. Knowledge is usually kept because of its nature as information. Wisdom, on the other hand, can be taught but the reflection on the student is not complete because the student may not have experienced it. There are some things in life that are wisdom because they require the user to experience it in order to fully understand and apply it to the life of the individual.
Knowledge is truth because knowledge can be justified. Knowledge is not found in the religious experience because many things in the religious experience cannot be demonstrably experienced. Most religious things can only be taught through experience, which brings forth wisdom. This is unique to the individual and is based on the life of the individual. This is just like the experiences of the prophets and the Christs. We are given these stories so we can apply them, not believe in them.
As I went through the changes that I experienced in August 2011, I did not see a loss. I saw this as an opportunity to make a change in my life and to obtain new knowledge and wisdom. It was also an opportunity for me to share my wisdom and knowledge with others. As we go through life, we have friends, places, and opportunities come and go. We have to make it a priority in our life to use these things to obtain the most wisdom and knowledge throughout our life.
We have the free will to go and experience the world. We can spend our time and our life doing nothing to advance our life spiritually. We can spend our time so that we can get the most out of the experiences that we have in our life.
ENTRY 36: THE TESTING AUGUST 2011
One of the hardest tests that I ever had to face was all the tests that I had to go through in order to learn all that I had to learn in the first eight months of 2011 and the last months of 2010. I started out the year with Kelly and reaching the height of my activity in the Catholic Church. I thought that I seriously had a chance with Kelly and I was at the top of all the spiritual power that I would ever hold with the Catholic Church and the associated group. Even though I fell twice before, enough time had passed where I thought that this would be the one thing that I was searching out the most.
My senior year of high school and the things that I went through made it so that I would not leave the same person that I came in. I faced many trials and I had a great deal of hardship, but I would eventually learn and move on in life. I left that year in an entirely new group of people and I would not think that I would lose the friends that I did and gain the people that I did as friends.
The first major test came early in the year through Kelly. She left my life abruptly and it was perpetuated by people who were much more powerful than me. The reputation that I had just begun to rebuild at the time as a result of Shannon was once again affected. It was hard for me because I would not think that it would happen to me again. I was also banned from activity in the Catholic Church group for some time. That would affect me more than anything, as it would bring me to the second major test of the year.
The second major test would come to me in a religious sense. Because of my general ban from activity in the Catholic Church, I was almost forced to find a new group. The group that would challenge my beliefs about religion and about friendship would come from the LDS Church group. These people took me in when I needed a friend the most and a new and more stable group to be a part of. It was hard for me to accept at first, but I was allowed back into the Catholic Church group and I did not like what it had become for me.
The third major test would come to me at that point. The lack of support that I found in the Catholic Church group following that ban would result in me trying to find new groups to be involved with. I was becoming more involved in work at the time and I would also find new support in the LDS Church group. It would be these two groups that would provide me the opportunity to really discover the differences that I wanted and the true reason for my new experiences. I would also find new people to be friends to and new relationships to be a part of.
These tests were hard for me to see at the time. They were hard for me to accept at the time. I believe that it was worth it in the end because it was something that I sought. When I faced these challenges in my life during my senior year of high school, I adapted and I found the things that would guide me to new groups of people to be with and new things to be a part of. I did not find comfort in the Catholic Church group, but I was not able to break away because of the closure that I had to find.
Many of these tests came to me because of one individual and her guiding influence on my life. Directly or indirectly, I would not have been the same person at the end because of the influence of Kelly. If things had gone differently, I would be at a much different place in my life than I am at now. I would not have attempted to go after some people at work and some people in the LDS Church group. The hope was that I would have been able to do things differently. This is one of those occasions that I would have changed.
I did not mean to be tested in this way. I did not want these things to happen for me. I wish that things could have gone differently. But things would have been a lot better or worse for me in different areas had I gone down a different path. At first, the tests are never easy, but they get better and reap benefits over time and they are worth it in the end no matter the results.
Many people go through life without going through these tests. It is okay to have bad times every once in a while in your life and it would be worth it in the end. If life was easy for you throughout your life, you would not learn anything from the experiences that you have. Nothing would be gained from the wisdom that you have the potential to have in your life. Nothing would be gained from the knowledge that you have in your life from learning from others. If you do not want to learn anything new, you should not go through the bad times.
I thought that the bad times in my life would not benefit me in any way. I did not realize the good that would come out of the bad and I did not see the benefits from going through the tests of life. I did not see the benefit until much later. It is a good thing to go through the bad things in life and to come to the realization that much can be learned from these experiences and that there are always good times that would come from these experiences. I had more good things come out as a result of these tests than I would ever had thought at the time I lost all that I once knew.
ENTRY 37: THE VICTORY SEPTEMBER 2011
It was a hard road in the last year of my time in Littleton. I went through a lot over the course of the senior year of high school and the subsequent summer of 2011. I started out the school year in the throes of Catholicism and the church group associated with them. I was in love with a young woman named Kelly and I was in the heat of the first part of my journey. It was quickly into my senior year of high school that I lost my friendship with Kelly and the backlash was fierce. I was kicked out of the Catholic Church group for a time and things never went back to the way they were.
I went in search of a new group of people throughout the middle of the year. When I was accepted back into the church group, I realized that many of the people I thought were my friends were actually not my friends. It seemed as though I was living in a lie. At the same time this happened, however, I came into contact with two new groups of people who would provide me with two of my closest friends of that year. I met Aislynn through work and that led to a great friendship that lasts to this day, and it would lead me into the Mormon group and Alaina, who would serve as the pinnacle of my time with the Mormons and the summer of 2011. I left for college with a clear plan that would later be derailed. This would cause many problems socially and doctrinally later on.
I was at a point in time where I went from the victim to the victor. I used to be oppressed by people who were much more powerful than me. I did not give in to them. I was the one who adapted and I sought something new. I sought a new avenue and I found two groups that were much more authentic than the Catholic group was. Although there were some very authentic and influential individuals among the Catholics, the group as a whole was not in my best interests. The group was more invested in the interests of the attacker than the victim. I felt like and truly was the victim in a world that I felt was out to attack me before 2011. When I came back in at the beginning of 2011, the group never felt the same to me.
I sought new groups. I did not want to be in that situation. I needed to get something new. I sought out groups of people that I would be heavily involved in. It would help me to get away from the Catholic group and it helped me to advance my life in a spiritual manner.
I learned many things throughout that year about life. Life does not always work in your favor. You have to adapt to the changing situations in your life. You will go through ups and downs in your life and you will not always like it. People that you thought were your friends were actually not your friends. People that you never think of will be the people that will make the most impact on your life. The people that come to be your enemies and the people who seek to bring you down will be the most influential people. There will be people in your life who will change your way of thinking and will challenge your beliefs.
I was once on the other side of the power. It was in 2011 when I final took more control of my life. The relationships I had since 2011 went a lot better than they went in years before that. It just got better and better with time and I learned a lot about what went wrong on the first part of the journey. I went through a lot of highs and lows in the first part of the journey that caused me a lot of pain. I was able to break away from the group that I spent a lot of time with and I embraced change and had a better time with the ups. I also fared better with the downs and that is an important thing to learn in your life. Although the ups are fine, they will lead to downs and the key to the success of your life is to be able to manage those downs. The way to salvation lies in the reactions to what happens in your life.
You have one shot in life. You should not play victim. If you are oppressed in your life, find a way to make the most of the situation and find a way to find a better path to a better life. When I was in the Catholic Church group, I felt like the victim. I was not someone that anyone looked up to. Admittedly, I was probably not all in, but those who I thought were my friends turned out not to be my friends. I knew that there was a lot of gossip about me and the situations around Shannon, Mary, and Kelly did not make life easier for me.
I was exposed to another side of life in 2011 and I was happy with what I saw from it. Although it was not what I wanted ideally at the time, it was something that I was suited for at the time. What was better was that I was exposed to people and groups that I have no prior connections to and I went from the oppressed to the victor. I never oppressed anyone, but I felt liberated and I felt like I had some great authentic people in my life from 2011. Life will get you through the ups and downs and it is in those downs that you will figure out what you are made of.